Pornstache

We’d like to give a nod to some of the innovators of pornstache, those daring souls that blazed a hairy trail for the common man. Nobody deserves more credit than Burt Renyolds, god of stache.  Through backwoods adventures, redneck antics, speed demonry and the Whorehouses of Texas…the moustache persevered, never a gourgeous shiney hair out of place. A true example of the power of stache.

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For the very important pornstachio in your life, make sure grooming is always close at hand with a sterling silver moustache comb necklace

From Brandish

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“Fuck your toe hair Frodo, check this out!”

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As gaggle is to goose, pride is to lion and hairgasm is to pornstache. These fellows call themselves “software developers” however we suspect it is just a cover to days spent on yachts in St. Tropez and nights spent in the discotheques of Prague. As evidenced here, the centuries old adage, “Pornstaches of a kind stick together”. 
 

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When you ride a white-perm and Saturday Night Fever dance moves to international fame, what do you do next? Duh, Pornstache!

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The next in our series of pornstache species, “The Pencil“ also sometimes referred to as the “Horizontal Landing Strip”

Structure:  The tiniest line of perfection, right across the top of the upper lip. 

Origin: A smokey cafe, Paris, 1821.

Practical Purpose: The intense amount of grooming required to maintain such a tiny little stache conveys the deep amount of dedication that you are willing to put into looking creepy and pretentious.

Best Accessories: Pencil leg jeans, cigarette holder, knit cap. 

Often Spotted: On John Waters, upcoming R&B stars and little boys with mom’s that think it’s cute to degrade their children with an eyeliner pencil. 

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When you have 6 children, it is imperative to their development that they enjoy a family pet, but with an international jet-setting lifestyle, the transport and care of a pet can be difficult. Solution? Grow a pet that you can carry everywhere as it handily perches on your upper lip. Add a pair of aviators a fedora and voila! Perfection.

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Another certified pornstache from a mister Brian Cromer. This stache was appearantly sprouted in China which adds to its international appeal. Additionally, the creepy closed-mouth smile and wide-angle lens effect add to the impact of this stache. Mr. Cromer, we salute you!

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Dissatified with the creepiness of his alcoholic bloat, under-eye bags and quickly receeding hairline, Vince Vaughn has added a pornstache to really bring home his look. 

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