Pornstache.com

News Corps Fall to be Cushioned by Hair?

admin — Fri, 12 Aug 2011 14:16:53 +0000

Empires decline, tycoons fall from grace, stock prices tumble. This has been the way of the world…until now. Spiraling from the News Corp wiretapping scandal, media tycoon Rupurt Murdoch put the majority of his 5 Billion Dollar fortune behind solving this conundrum. The thought elite from across the globe analyzed the data and all come to the same conclusion: Insufficient Pornstache is the problem. This wiretapping mess would have never come out were it hidden behind a glorious curtain of mustache.

Introduce Chase Carey, the mustachio you see here. Now endorsed by Murdoch as the successor to the News Corp empire. Shunning his own son James, Rupert Murdoch is wisely putting his chips all-in to the ’stache. Well played Mr. Murdoch; I for one am going to run off immediately and buy some News Corp Stock based on the Fundamental Mustache Equity Holdings methodology of investing.

Meshugana Mel Goyum Gibson

admin — Sun, 28 Feb 2010 21:40:56 +0000

Now that the Mossad assasins have taken out that Hamas dude in Dubai Mel Gibson fears for his life and attempts to go into hiding from what he calls the, “Teenage Mutant Ninja Jews”…behind a big ass pornstache.

Mel, you can grow a big freaky moustache, paint yourself blue, rock a mullet, wear ladies panties and drink yourself to near oblivion but you can’t hide.

Crack Open a Coops and Celebrate Selleck

admin — Sat, 12 Dec 2009 15:27:37 +0000

Tom Selleck’s moustache is widely praised for both its immense girth and its dazzling sheen. When Selleck walks into a room tiny points of light bounce of his ’stach and are cast throughout. Disco ball is to 70’s as Tom Selleck’s moustache is to 80’s.

However, few have noticed the real reason that Magnum’s moustache is so powerful…

Yes, his eyebrows…resting gently on his brow like two small, identical-twin, love-children of his moustache. The symmetry and impact of this effect has caused many faced with its power to weep. What Tom Selleck knows that you don’t is that facial hair is not just for the mouth.

R.E.M Stands For Really Enormous Moustache

admin — Tue, 24 Nov 2009 02:22:21 +0000

Oh, moustache is bigger
It’s bigger than you
And you are not me
The lengths that I will grow to
This moustache in your eyes
Oh no, I’ve shaved too much
I trimmed it up…

Oates!

admin — Sun, 22 Nov 2009 20:10:31 +0000

Alas, poor Oates and his forgotten pornstache. There was a time in the 80’s when paparazzi and private eyes were watching this ’staches every move.

Dear sweet small John Oates, I still hail your stache and to those who have forgotten I say, “I can’t go for that, noooo I, no can do!”

Merman Pornstache

admin — Sun, 22 Nov 2009 19:45:10 +0000

Drawing on 2 facts that were established in the 70’s

1. Pornstaches increase speed

2. Pornstaches are the best accessory to a speedo

the Phelpster debuted a pornstache recently. Who is his PR person? Nothing say’s I’ve cleaned up my bong toting image more than a handlebar pornstache…

If You’ve Got a Moustache I Like You

admin — Thu, 08 Jan 2009 19:57:29 +0000

There is no better synergy than the uke and the stache and this composition captures both of their respective awesome!

MSN Declares the Pornstache a Regrettable Trend

admin — Sat, 20 Dec 2008 18:33:35 +0000

MSN has declared the “hearthtrob-with-pornstache” one of the 10 most regrettable trends of 2008 naming Orlando Bloom, Brad Pitt and Robert Downey Jr. among the top offenders. We beg to differ and find that like a hairy condiment, a pornstache only accents an already delicious hunk of man meat.

Adam Pornstache Morrison

admin — Sat, 20 Dec 2008 17:54:40 +0000

Adam Morrison proves that white men can jump and also that they can have really corny 70’s hair complete with a patchy pornstache.

Jude Law Pornstache

admin — Sun, 30 Nov 2008 18:06:58 +0000

Jude Law is sporting a stache presuably for his newest movie role in “Sherlock Holmes: The Case of the Silky Pornstache”