Empires decline, tycoons fall from grace, stock prices tumble. This has been the way of the world…until now. Spiraling from the News Corp wiretapping scandal, media tycoon Rupurt Murdoch put the majority of his 5 Billion Dollar fortune behind solving this conundrum. The thought elite from across the globe analyzed the data and all come to the same conclusion: Insufficient Pornstache is the problem. This wiretapping mess would have never come out were it hidden behind a glorious curtain of mustache.
Introduce Chase Carey, the mustachio you see here. Now endorsed by Murdoch as the successor to the News Corp empire. Shunning his own son James, Rupert Murdoch is wisely putting his chips all-in to the ’stache. Well played Mr. Murdoch; I for one am going to run off immediately and buy some News Corp Stock based on the Fundamental Mustache Equity Holdings methodology of investing.
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