Here at pornstache.com, people are constantly asking us, “What makes a moustache a pornstache?” This question has puzzled philosophers for decades as the simple addition of just a couple hairs here, or aviator sunglasses there can turn a perfectly acceptable tax-accountant-stache into a glorious pornstache.
So, this is our first post in a series to help classify all the species of pornstache. And hence, we will begin at the beginning with the “The Ron Jeremy”.
Structure: Seeming to grow out of the nostrils and extending horizontally just over the top of the lips, this pornstache also has a wide horizontal breadth that extends across the frown lines. Also note the breezy center where the cleft of the upper lip is left exposed.
Origin: Adult film and pornstache god Ron Jeremy
Practical Purpose: Distracting female adult film stars from your pot belly with your clit tickling powers.
Confucius once said, ” A man must choose between a moustache and false eyelashes”. However, Bulgarian pop singer, tranny pornstache trailblazer and Jolen poster child Azis proves the great thinker wrong.
In character for his role in the upcoming sequel to The Bourne Supremacy and The Bourne Ultimatium, tentatively titled The Bourne Pornstache, Matt Damon is shot in Hawaii.
True method actor that he is, Matt Damon has also gained 40 pounds of pot-belly, some billowy orange swimming trunks, and a thick yet patchy smattering of unruly chest hair to compliment the authenticity of his stache.
Yes, father of the pornstache, you brought the bristle from the back-alley world of 70’s adult films into America’s living rooms with your charming over-wrought foreign pronunciations and your oh so sly “answers” to life’s questions. With your dedication, you continued to rock the stache through the 90’s when the rest of the world was sporting the satan-goatee. We salute you Trebek, we salute you.
Since my arsenal of billion dollar genetic freaks and destructive gadgets cannot defeat Spider Man perhaps this pornstache can. Plus, MJ will love the allure of my new “clit tickler”.
Many people fail to realize that in his middle age Obi Wan Kenobi grew tired of fighting the empire and took a few years off to grow a pornstache and try his hand at adult films. During this period he was known as Obi “Wand” Kenobi. Luckily for the universe, he wasn’t very successful and soon got back at the whole Jedi thing…
