Now that the Mossad assasins have taken out that Hamas dude in Dubai Mel Gibson fears for his life and attempts to go into hiding from what he calls the, “Teenage Mutant Ninja Jews”…behind a big ass pornstache.
Mel, you can grow a big freaky moustache, paint yourself blue, rock a mullet, wear ladies panties and drink yourself to near oblivion but you can’t hide.
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Tom Selleck’s moustache is widely praised for both its immense girth and its dazzling sheen. When Selleck walks into a room tiny points of light bounce of his ’stach and are cast throughout. Disco ball is to 70’s as Tom Selleck’s moustache is to 80’s.
However, few have noticed the real reason that Magnum’s moustache is so powerful…
Yes, his eyebrows…resting gently on his brow like two small, identical-twin, love-children of his moustache. The symmetry and impact of this effect has caused many faced with its power to weep. What Tom Selleck knows that you don’t is that facial hair is not just for the mouth.
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Oh, moustache is bigger
It’s bigger than you
And you are not me
The lengths that I will grow to
This moustache in your eyes
Oh no, I’ve shaved too much
I trimmed it up…
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Alas, poor Oates and his forgotten pornstache. There was a time in the 80’s when paparazzi and private eyes were watching this ’staches every move.
Dear sweet small John Oates, I still hail your stache and to those who have forgotten I say, “I can’t go for that, noooo I, no can do!”
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Drawing on 2 facts that were established in the 70’s
1. Pornstaches increase speed
2. Pornstaches are the best accessory to a speedo
the Phelpster debuted a pornstache recently. Who is his PR person? Nothing say’s I’ve cleaned up my bong toting image more than a handlebar pornstache…
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There is no better synergy than the uke and the stache and this composition captures both of their respective awesome!
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MSN has declared the “hearthtrob-with-pornstache” one of the 10 most regrettable trends of 2008 naming Orlando Bloom, Brad Pitt and Robert Downey Jr. among the top offenders. We beg to differ and find that like a hairy condiment, a pornstache only accents an already delicious hunk of man meat.
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Adam Morrison proves that white men can jump and also that they can have really corny 70’s hair complete with a patchy pornstache.
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Jude Law is sporting a stache presuably for his newest movie role in “Sherlock Holmes: The Case of the Silky Pornstache”
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A good stache is hard to find and when you do you better grab on tight and hold on to that sucker for the whole ride, hence “The Handlebar”
Structure: Your mouth is beautiful and The Handlebar underscores that beauty like a three sided picture frame of hair.
Origin: Colonial Mustard, London 1623.
Practical Purpose: Gives universal license to invite people to, “Jump on for a moustache ride!”; stores leftovers from previous meals for intra-day snacking.
Best Accessories: Leather chaps, cowboy hats, pantaloons (often all at once).
Often Spotted: In San Francisco gay bars, revolutionary war reenactments across the Eastern US and Hells Angels gatherings.
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